Let me start here:
Pretty funny, huh? Got me laughing.
But then I started thinking about the triangle offense — basketball, the Knicks, Phil Jackson — and wished theonion.com would do a video about *that* .
I mean, where has it ever worked? Oh yeah, when Jackson coached Michael Jordan, Scotty Pippin et al in Chicago, and not even quadratic equations would have failed. Then there were Jackson’s Laker teams, starring Shaquille and Kobe. Didn't matter they didn't like each other: no polygon-based offense could have kept them from winning.
It's not as if Jackson has accomplished nothing with the Knicks: he's made them the worst Knick team ever and that indeed is saying something. (The NY Times writer assigned to the Knicks has refused to write about them and now files reports from gyms around the country where he thinks the game of basketball gets more respect).
Hey onion! Yo, onion.com! Your new-stupid-piece-of-shit video was terrific. How's about the triangle offense?
It seems the triangle — or maybe the course of basketball itself — has driven Jackson around several bends. As per the NY Times (2/4/15), he concedes that Bill Fitch was right when he said back in 1999 that: “There’s not going to be any more midrange shots. It’s going to be a 3-point shot or right around the basket — that’s the way the game is evolving.” Yep, it's either the 3-pointer or the paint (i.e. the dunk). Has this just dawned on Jackson? True, that makes the 2-point jump shot — once heart and soul of the game as some of us grew up with it — nothing but a quaint reminder of the twentieth century.
Jackson put his — neo-Euclidian? — love for the triangle aside long enough to tell the Times that "he would even endorse a 4-point shot being implemented a few feet behind the 3-point line."
How about 5, 6, 7 point shots? How about the one launched from under your own hoop, the one called the "Chamberlain" because it gets you 100 points?