Ok, so maybe, according to the new dispensation, dogs can go
to heaven, maybe, by extension, horse flies, June bugs, hippos, pythons,
tarantulas, lice, hermit crabs, and, for all I know, velociraptors. Who can
tell? Who can plumb the mind of a Pope?
My question, though, is about cats. What's wrong with cats? Why
can't they go to heaven? If there are no cats, what kind of heaven is it
supposed to be, anyway? Full of varmints, I would think, flooded by mice, their
droppings, by rats, plague and so on. Sound heavenly to you?
The College of Cardinals (more like a middle school, perhaps)
might want to study Christopher
Smart (1722-1771) "On his cat Jeoffry", particularly the following:
I will consider my cat Jeoffry.
For he is the servant of the living God, duly and daily
serving Him.
. . .
For when his day's work is done his business more properly
begins.
For he keeps The Lord's watch in the night against the
adversary.
For he counteracts the powers of darkness by his electrical
skin and glaring eyes.
For he counteracts the devil, who is death, by brisking
about the life.
[TRUE DAT]
. . .
For he purrs in thankfulness, when God tells him he's a good
Cat.
. . .
[GO KITTY!]
For God has blessed him in the variety of his movements.
For tho he cannot fly, he is an excellent clamberer.
But Jeoffry, the hero of this ode, can clamber only so far, as
per the latest Papal edict, and not so far as heaven.
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